When it's not o.k. to hurt

When it's not o.k. to hurt

When was the last time I cried?
Let's see ... where's my shopping list.
Oh.  Back pocket this time.
   carrots
   milk
   eggs
Did I cry at grandma's funeral?
   bread
   butter
   ground beef
No.  I wasn't thinking about grandma.  The coffin was closed. And anyway she was at home in bed watching Jeopardy.
   bay leaf, thyme
Did I pass the spices?
I think I cried when I found out about the strip club
I know I cried then.
I was angry.
I was so very, very, very hurt
Yes, that really did it.
Oops, spices are in aisle 12. I did pass it then.
It doesn't hurt anymore of course.
No, we've worked our way past it. We've dealt with those issues and we're fine now.    Really fine.  Really.
Bread is on sale.
Bread is always on sale.
I don't like this brand.  I think I have enough bread at home.
The funny thing is, I don't even want to cry anymore.
I'm feeling more myself these days. 
The doctor was right.
I'm feeling more myself now.
I knew I would.
He promised I would.
But every once in a while
I wish I could smile.
 - jm


This may be fiction (Grandma is alive and well) but I've been thinking a lot about how afraid we all are of human pain.  We don't talk about it.  We don't want to hear about it.  Video games, t.v. and even other more harmful heart numbing activities are all keeping us from pain and also from hope.  There is no way to eliminate pain without eliminating the joy as well.